Why do I even make this post? I'm not even sure anyone wants to befriend me... But to be at least a bit optimistic, I'm gonna make this anyway. Beisdes, I figure this'll make fic searching a little easier :P

Most important things first: The FIC LISTS!! There you will find the fics I've made. Be forewarned though that I write YAOI and even occasional SHOTA fics. There's also a heavy dose of angst and kinky pron when I'm stressed out. I guess that's all I can say about the fics. If you like them, please, comment and let me know, ne. Enjoy!!


( PoT Multichapter List )


( Other Fics List )


And while I generally just add back whoever add me as a friend, I check the profile first before adding. If I don't find much similarities between us, I would most likely not add you back. Unless, of course, you drop a comment telling me who you are and why you want to add me as your friend.

Enjoy your stay and beware of occasional madness I write about my life. Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu m(_ _)m

You are forgiven but not forgotten. You broke me, made me the monster I am. I hate me because of you. Did you know how much you had hurt me? Did you know the pain I went through? I hate me, could barely stand myself, despise myself because of you. You locked me in a cage and threw the key away where no one could find it to safe me. I don't even think I'm worthy to be saved. I don't think I'm worthy of anything at all but pain and loneliness. You took away my ability to trust, the most fundamental thing in life. I trusted you, now I could barely trust anyone. I'm scared, I'm angry. But did you even care? I'm broken, perhaps beyond repair because of you.

I try to see it in different light. You made me the person I am. I am unique and strong because of you. But the pain and anger is still there. It seems like whenever I try to move on, you hold me back. I wish I could forget you but I can't. The pain is as fresh as those days so many years ago when you ruined me.

I wish I don't have to keep this secret from other including your family. The burden is far too heavy but of course you didn't realize. I wish you could see that I'm trying to move on. It's gonna be a tough road ahead of me but you made me strong. One day you will be nothing but a distant memory and I don't have to cry and hold myself back anymore. I will finally learn to trust. I will be defeat the demon in my past that was you.

The final part *sighs*

I hope LJ can handle this part....

( Last Snow )

A B'day fic for me Tezuka! Also, a fic demand request by a1y_puff . Have to be separated into 3 parts because LJ can't handle 15 pages-long fic at once.

Title: Last Snow
Rating: R
Pairing: TeFu or is it FuTe? :D
Warning: AU, violence, un-beta-ed, uncooperative muses
Summary: One night Tezuka saw an angel. It was a demon.

I'm honestly surprised by the result of the first round of Channel V's Battle of the Pop. I really thought it'll be Korea vs. Korea seeing that 2 biggest boybands are there (TVXQ/DBSK/Tohoshinki and Super Junior). Initially I predicted SuJu's victory and while I supposed it was a close call, they actually lost on the first round! I mean, we're talking about the boyband that once defeated TVXQ and its-supposedly-biggest-fanclub-in-the-world aka Cassiopeia  in the previous Battle of the Popand they lost?? WTH!

Tho honestly I don't like SuJu that much. I think they'd be better of cut down to only 5 members or something around that number (but certainly nowhere near 12) to make them look less like a dance troupe or boyband-that-travels-with-their-back-up-dancer kind of group and more like an actual vocal group. Putting as many pretty boys you can get into a single boyband is not always the key to creating a great music group, especially if you're attempting quality over fame, which I believe isn't SM's case -__-

Anyway, I voted for TVXQ because seems the second round is dominated by JPop artists and the whole purpose of the damn competition was to make a Japan vs Korea battle thingy. Besides, I do love TVXQ to death *drools over ChangMIn's gorgeousness* for their songs, their voices (oh, well some of their voices anyway), the gratuitous fan service, and the bods *nosebleeds to death* I could only hope that SuJu's fans would turn to help TVXQ (30000+ votes is not a small number!), maybe I'm hoping too much. Oh, well, always keep the faith, Cassiopeia!

Wah! It's been a long while. I miss everyone! *hugs f-list* Sorry I haven't updated, my muse isn't very cooperative right now but if things go right, there will be a new fic this week. Don't think I could update my ongoing fics so soon though since I'm not very confident of my works yet. Two months of not writing made my skill rusty T.T Also, if you're on facebook, my name there is Ryu T-w. Go ahead and friend me if you want to :)

Anyway, on to a more serious and sensitive issue. Pregnancy and abortions.

A friend texted me yesterday that she was 'late' this month so I told her to do pregnancy test since it might be just normal stress or something. She kinda panicked though because the baby's daddy is someone else's boyfriend and she didn't want him to choose her just because she's having his child and besides she's still in college. She didn't took the test but drank some sort of traditional potions instead. This morning she texted me saying that she is in pain and experienced some bleeding. Also there appeared to be some kind of fleshy lump that she claimed to be a fetus. She has buried it and now plans to hide everything from her family and her boyfriend.

I really wish I could support her because she's an old friend of mine and she's apparently very troubled by her situation. But I can't fully approve her action. Technically, it wasn't alive yet but still... it was her own child. I try to give her neutral comments but never mention anything about the abortion since I don't agree with it. I think it's a risk that she must take when she engaged in sexual relationship with this guy.

Who is very unworthy of the pain, by the way. I mean, this is a guy who clearly wouldn't choose her over his girlfriend. If he really loves her, he should make it clear by ditching his girlfriend or something. Why go through all this for someone who wouldn't commit to you?

*sighs* I don't know anymore. I gonna try to sleep this off though the idea that I might have a say in the decision to abort a friend's pregnancy might haunt me for the rest of my life...

For an assignment, I'm asked to compare the educational system for psychology in Indonesia and other country, like how to get a degree in psychology etc. Can someone help me? I've tried to look it up but I figure it's better to ask someone who really knows how to get the degree in psychology.

Please comment if you could help me m(_ _)m

The super duper evil field practice is finally over!!! Yay!!! ***\(^o^)/***

Doesn't mean that I'm completely free from it though. There are still papers to make and there's an unfinished project that my team needs to supervise. Next Wednesday I have to return there. Hopefully everything will be done on time so I won't have to stress myself anymore.

It was kinda fun, I guess. I made some new friends. We had some fun together and there are some trouble we went through. I feel kinda sad for leaving but at the same time I don't think I can bear the stress for much longer. Details soon because I wanna look up for things I missed during my absence.

Internet, I'm back!!!

I'm home!!! For now, anyway. Have to go back the day after tomorrow so I'm going to use the little time I have to have some fun. Enjoy the product of my stress!

Title: The Shining Star
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Pairing: Perfect Pair
Rating: PG-13
Warning: kissing, shounen ai, AU
Summary: He was Tezuka's dream, fantasy, guiding light. He was a shining star and Tezuka would do anything to get near to him.

( The Shining Star )

So last night I kinda got into a fight with the friend I talked about in my previous post. It wasn't exactly an argument though. She was talking about how I shouldn't turn off my cell phone because I'm supposed to be able to be reached at all times or something and I just said something along the lines of 'whatever' and left the room, got back seconds later, found her still talking about it, and told her to shut the **** up before I get really angry.

Honestly I'm surprised that we still talked this morning. That was pretty rude of me but I was really upset and my team generally agree that she's too fussy. Not exactly my fault for being exhausted at 11 PM and having to deal with the lack of coordination in my unit. Sent her off to a discussion to represent my sub-unit. Hope she learnt her lesson that it's not easy to speak up in front of officials and people who actually know about these stuff.

My excuses:

1. I don't want to receive any text after 10 PM. I need my rest, that you very much. Isn't it universal code of conduct to not try to reach people  late at night?
2. I'd rather not just jump to conclusions and start barking orders when I don't even understand a single thing. Is it my fault to want to take things slowly because I don't want to get anyone in more trouble than we're already in?
3. No one actually listen to me anyway.
4. I don't understand Indonesian rules of courtesy. I prefer to just say whatever's on my mind and then probably piss some people off. I don't undertand when this other person in my sub-unit start thanking anyone present and give some weird reasons as to why we are present at a certain place/meeting. In my opinion, it's always best to just say what we want to talk about and get down to bussiness. I'd rather not waste my time.
5. I'm more fluent in English than Indoesian and Javanese. That might seem weird, but I really have more confidence when I speak in English than when I speak in my native language.

On happier note, I've finished about 40+ hours of my supposed 201 hours. That's a lot to go but I'm confident in my skill to manipulate data XP

Btw, does anyone know where I could find the recording of DBSK/TVXQ/Tohoshinki's Videoscope on Channel V? I missed the show due to the stupid field practice T.T

See you on July 28th!!<input ... ></input><input ... >

I MISS INTERNET!!!!!

I could only check my emails and some webs in the morning but I can't download anything T.T

Things I learnt:

1. I'm a horrible leader
2. I really can't stand being in a crowd
3. I have bad communicating skill
4. I really don't understand cows and government
5. Smex is a perfect cure for stress and a good way to start my day
6. I will never be a religious people because I can't stand people who divide others by moslems and non-moslems
7. I should get angry once in a while and force people to really get to work
8. We really should start surveying the area despite being forced to take care of the village's messy archives
9. I LOVE INTERNET
10. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT INTERNET
11. I HATE PEOPLE!!!

Okay. That's all. Ja... And remember... I'm always watching you :*<input ... ></input><input ... >

Just wanna let you know that I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm supposed to be back on September 10th but  we're going to try to finish the program as soon as possible so that we could go home early. I don't want to celebrate my birthday away from internet connection T.T Wish me luck, ne!!

I have one fic right now but I'm still not satisfied with it so I won't be posting it soon. Thankfully, I'm allowed to bring my laptop there but maybe I'll be using it to make reports. I will try to write while I am away though I'm not sure that anything exceptionally good would come out in a stressful situation -_-;; The pron fics that I saved in my cp disappeared so I'm going to be kind of pron-less there. The file is still there but they can't be opened and won't show up in opera mini's saved page. If anyone knows how to fix this, please let me know.

I've done packing and will leave this evening to stay at my late granma's house because we'll be leaving at 5.30 A.M tomorrow.

Will be missing you!! :-*

Since my departure is delayed, here's an update to satisfy you for a while (I hope)

Chapter Title: Bitter Revenge
Pairing: Soubi x Ritsuka
Rating: PG-13 for violence
Story Summary: Soubi believed his heart was completely frozen, incapable of love, unwilling to love. But Fate was about to prove him wrong.
Chapter Summary: Everything comes with a price

( Bitter Revenge )

Departure date is on July 10th. That means more time to breath (and write) and yet late return T.T

Was just told that I have to go to take care of some papers but I am at home so I don't want to can't go. Besides, the news was questionable since most people that I asked didn't even know about it and they were going to leave on the 2nd. I think that it's not real because there is no official announcement but then again the people that takes cares this field practice are that annoying. Whenever we ask them directly at the office they'd tell us to check the web but if the web's got nothing in it so we ask them again, they'd say 'oh, then there's no such thing'. Ugh.

Anyway, just checked channelv.com and was looking forward to TVXQ/DBSK/Tohoshinki videoscope on July 4th but then due to MJ's death, it's puched back to July 11th TT.TT That means I can't watch it because I'm already away at that time.... I already have all their videos but I would lve to watch the comments.... I hope someone would upload the show somewhere so I could watch when/if I return...